My first job out of college was on the oncology floor at our local children’s hospital. I was a new nurse with no idea of how to create boundaries, taking care of critically ill children and their families. To say I was overwhelmed would be an understatement.

I was also working third shift and learning that my body simply refused to sleep when the sun was out. One evening while racing around my apartment getting ready for work, I opened the refrigerator to grab my iced latte and watched it tumble out and splash all over the kitchen floor.

I could practically hear Tim holding his breath as he looked at the floor, then me, then back to the venti iced latte oozing out onto the tile. I stood perfectly still, refusing to give in to the frustration washing over me, and then it happened. I let out a sob, and then another, and before I knew it, I was sitting on the kitchen floor in my Snoopy scrubs crying my eyes out over a Starbucks drink.

When You Feel Like You’re Failing at Everything

It doesn’t happen all at once, ya know? You don’t spill one cup of coffee and decide that you’re a failure in life. But it’s often that one tiny moment that breaks your tough exterior and forces you to look at what’s really going on.

I’ve been having more of those spilled coffee moments lately. The stress of homeschooling and solo parenting during the week and keeping a household running while working with multiple clients is too much. Just in the last week, I’ve cried over not knowing what to make for dinner, slipping on a Magnatile and discovering the printer was low on ink.

And when those small (and sometimes big) life stressors hit a boiling point, it’s easy to utter these words…

I’m failing at everything.

I should be doing a better job as a teacher, mother, wife, friend, writer, insert your roles here. I know I don’t need to tell you this, but all the roles you’re taking on right now are impossible. Seriously, it’s just objectively impossible to do it all. So how can we step away from the lie that we’re failing and start to shift our days?

“When you feel like you’re failing at everything, it’s time for a nap or a walk or a hot shower (or all 3!)”

How to Turn Things Around

Ok, so we’ve accepted that it’s impossible to keep up with every aspect of our lives right now. Here are the steps I take every week to cut back my to-do list and give myself and my family some kindness.

What stresses you out?

What are the tasks or activities that stress you out the most? When do you find yourself overwhelmed or irritable throughout the day? Maybe it’s keeping up with laundry or answering emails or figuring out how to get dinner on the table with all the kids home.

For me, working right up until my writing deadlines turns me into a crazy person. I hate the feeling of knowing that my deadline is approaching in a few hours and I still have more to do. Sometimes I have a heavier workload and it just happens, but for the most part, I can work ahead so that I’m not working right up to the wire.

Now I make sure that I’ve planned to turn in my writing pieces at least 24 hours before they’re due. This takes the stress out of my work and gives me some wiggle room in case something comes up. Think through the biggest stressors in your day and some tiny tweaks you can make with them.

2. What needs to wait right now?

So we can’t keep up with everything, and rather than blaming ourselves, we can look at our schedules and workloads with fresh eyes and compassionate hearts. What needs to be put on hold right now? Maybe it’s a side hustle or business commitment or kids’ activity.

I’m narrowing my focus in my business. There are a lot of projects I’m excited about, but they’re going to have to wait for now. This has saved me so much mental energy because I’m not constantly wondering which projects I should be working on or feeling discouraged for not getting to all of them.

If you’re an essential worker, maybe your side hustle has to wait right now. If you’re home with your kids, your weekly schedule of cleaning/laundry/running the house is going to have to look different. If you’re a freelancer, maybe this is the time to focus on your highest paying clients so that you can cut back on the hours you’re working.

3. Remember where you’re going

I’m writing this during April 2020 when we’re living through a global pandemic, but this advice works anytime. What we’re living through right now isn’t forever; it’s important to remember where we’re going. Think about the bigger vision for your life. Five years from now, will it matter that your house wasn’t clean during a global crisis?

We’re all going to experience all the feels right now. As often as you can, bring your focus back to the big picture. Remember where you’re going.